Jose Mourinho is either lying or he has been fooled by the
milkman, because neither the man-child bear-hugging the Chelsea manager during
his exuberant celebration after defeating Manchester City nor the red-haired
youngster next to him share much of a resemblance to the Portuguese protagonist.
Maybe one of these is Mourinho Jr., who’s to say Jose’s son isn’t a supporter
of Leitrim GAA like the beaming young fan pictured behind the City bench on
Sunday afternoon? However if we take the past into consideration we can cut
through the superfluous excuse spewed out of Mourinho’s mouth with Occam’s
Razor. The self-anointed Special One had zero interest in celebrating with his
son after Fernando Torres capitalised on City’s defensive combustion at Stamford
Bridge, his actions were provocative, premeditated and unprofessional; his intent
was vintage Mourinho.
For a manager who merges football with the extravagancy
of showbiz like no other Sunday was a nadir. Jose ran out of new ideas to shock the audience and reignite the feud with his predecessor at Real Madrid Manuel Pellegrini so he reverted to a stale trick, previously performed at the Bernabeu two seasons
ago after a Kaka goal sealed a victory late on over Villareal. Mourinho danced
in front of the Yellow Submarines’ bench, emphatically raising his arms at his
son who was (supposedly) conveniently located behind their dugout. Repeating
his once original antics yesterday was proof that Mourinho just doesn’t do
effortless irritation as gloriously as he used to.
Mourinho’s managerial career began with a lie in Portugal. During
a meeting with the Porto board in January 2002 the then 38 year old dazzled his
future employers by narrating a detailed slide-show he had created highlighting
the vision and philosophy he promised to bring to the provincial powerhouse were
he given the keys at the club.
Under Mourinho the club would aspire to win the largest
number of titles possible playing an attractive brand of football with a team containing
as many home-grown players as possible. As time progressed it became clear the
28 slides were blatant plagiarism, cut from a longer presentation Louis VanGaal gave to the Barcelona board at the beginning of his time in Catalonia, yet
the Porto board were unaware of this at the time and fortunately hired Mourinho
on the spot.
Once he had got his leg up however, he was never going to
stop. Love him or loathe him, the fifty year old is an insanely great manager,
pairing exceptional tactical nous with an extraordinary ability to inspire
his charges to bring him success.
Samuel Eto’o thanks God for delivering him to Mourinho at
Inter Milan, while the Portuguese carefully caressed Zlatan Ibrahimovic with
silk gloves, creating a symbiotic relationship between the pair where Zlatan
would get the goals and “be prepared to die” for his boss, while Jose would get
the glory. Mourinho is obsessed with two things; success and his image, how he is perceived. At Real Madrid he insisted on sitting in seat D10 on away journeys in the Champions League as Real attempted to finally win La Decima (10th European Cup).
Rationally, any fan of any team would cherish Mourinho at
their club as he comes with inevitable success. However sport isn’t the most
rational sphere of human activity. Greece succeeding in Euro 2004, Liverpool
fans thinking “I don’t speak to blacks” is a term of endearment, that Newcastle
fan punching a horse; none of those things should happen (actually, maybe the last one should).
Ethically you could make a case for never wanting to see the
man at the helm of your club. As Mourinho announced at his unveiling as Real
Madrid manager he comes on his terms: “I arrive with all my qualities and my defects." His
qualities have been mentioned already, his defects? Well, there’s a strong case
to be made that the sole display of class during his career has been when he
wished Barcelona manager Tito Vilanova well in his recovery from cancer. While
a noble act, it’s not too idealistic to have taken this as a given.
Events like the previous eye-gouging incident with Vilanova
and his contribution to the death-threats which led to Anders Frisk’s
retirement have not only sabotaged Mourinho’s reputation but also his cv. Football-wise
he tends to leave a trail of scorched earth behind him following his definite three-year
stay at clubs, a trait unlikely to go unnoticed by clubs searching for a stable
and successful marriage. After years of public courting Jose was ignored this
summer when the one job he felt destined for became available.
Jose Mourinho’s first clash with Alex Ferguson at Chelsea in
August 2004 resulted in a 1-0 victory but also a rather forced admission of
inferiority: "I told Mr. Ferguson that United didn't deserve to leave
Stamford Bridge with nothing." Jose Mourinho’s last clash with Alex
Ferguson resulted in a 2-1 victory but also another rather forced admission of
inferiority: “The best team lost”.
Bobby Charton and the powers that be at United didn’t take
the bait. “He pontificates too much for my liking” claimed Charlton, as well as
suggesting ‘Mr. Ferguson’ wasn’t as fond of his peer as had been suggested and stating
a United manager would never act like the man publicly whoring himself to the
red half of Manchester.
Wounded, he has returned to the Premier League under
the guise of ‘The Happy One’ but make no mistake, this is Special One v2, inspired by rejection
and fuelled with the bitterness of a teenage girl whose best friend pulled the
county centre-back behind her back. There will be even more arrogance, every
word will be loaded with political meaning and aimed at a particular target;
every action will want to have been seen.
The Prodigal Son has returned having seemingly seen the
light, his new aversion to diving and cynical fouls reinforced by his love for the
Red Rose of England. "Some foreign players when they come to England still
keep their culture and it's a disgrace you do that to a person”. Even
time-wasting is treated with contempt: ”you pay your ticket and every time the
game stops you have to wait about half a minute? That is a waste of money. That’s
not funny. Not in England”.
Jose Mourinho can survive on lies, if anything lies are
essential to his being. However the first sign of terminal decline is telling
the same lie twice, and this red flag has been raised after just nine games of
the season.