The Special One V2

Jose Mourinho is either lying or he has been fooled by the milkman, because neither the man-child bear-hugging the Chelsea manager during his exuberant celebration after defeating Manchester City nor the red-haired youngster next to him share much of a resemblance to the Portuguese protagonist. Maybe one of these is Mourinho Jr., who’s to say Jose’s son isn’t a supporter of Leitrim GAA like the beaming young fan pictured behind the City bench on Sunday afternoon? However if we take the past into consideration we can cut through the superfluous excuse spewed out of Mourinho’s mouth with Occam’s Razor. The self-anointed Special One had zero interest in celebrating with his son after Fernando Torres capitalised on City’s defensive combustion at Stamford Bridge, his actions were provocative, premeditated and unprofessional; his intent was vintage Mourinho.

For a manager who merges football with the extravagancy of showbiz like no other Sunday was a nadir. Jose ran out of new ideas to shock the audience and reignite the feud with his predecessor at Real Madrid Manuel Pellegrini so he reverted to a stale trick, previously performed at the Bernabeu two seasons ago after a Kaka goal sealed a victory late on over Villareal. Mourinho danced in front of the Yellow Submarines’ bench, emphatically raising his arms at his son who was (supposedly) conveniently located behind their dugout. Repeating his once original antics yesterday was proof that Mourinho just doesn’t do effortless irritation as gloriously as he used to.

Mourinho’s managerial career began with a lie in Portugal. During a meeting with the Porto board in January 2002 the then 38 year old dazzled his future employers by narrating a detailed slide-show he had created highlighting the vision and philosophy he promised to bring to the provincial powerhouse were he given the keys at the club.

Under Mourinho the club would aspire to win the largest number of titles possible playing an attractive brand of football with a team containing as many home-grown players as possible. As time progressed it became clear the 28 slides were blatant plagiarism, cut from a longer presentation Louis VanGaal gave to the Barcelona board at the beginning of his time in Catalonia, yet the Porto board were unaware of this at the time and fortunately hired Mourinho on the spot.

Once he had got his leg up however, he was never going to stop. Love him or loathe him, the fifty year old is an insanely great manager, pairing exceptional tactical nous with an extraordinary ability to inspire his charges to bring him success.

Samuel Eto’o thanks God for delivering him to Mourinho at Inter Milan, while the Portuguese carefully caressed Zlatan Ibrahimovic with silk gloves, creating a symbiotic relationship between the pair where Zlatan would get the goals and “be prepared to die” for his boss, while Jose would get the glory. Mourinho is obsessed with two things; success and his image, how he is perceived. At Real Madrid he insisted on sitting in seat D10 on away journeys in the Champions League as Real attempted to finally win La Decima (10th European Cup). 

Rationally, any fan of any team would cherish Mourinho at their club as he comes with inevitable success. However sport isn’t the most rational sphere of human activity. Greece succeeding in Euro 2004, Liverpool fans thinking “I don’t speak to blacks” is a term of endearment, that Newcastle fan punching a horse; none of those things should happen (actually, maybe the last one should).

Ethically you could make a case for never wanting to see the man at the helm of your club. As Mourinho announced at his unveiling as Real Madrid manager he comes on his terms: “I arrive with all my qualities and my defects." His qualities have been mentioned already, his defects? Well, there’s a strong case to be made that the sole display of class during his career has been when he wished Barcelona manager Tito Vilanova well in his recovery from cancer. While a noble act, it’s not too idealistic to have taken this as a given.

Events like the previous eye-gouging incident with Vilanova and his contribution to the death-threats which led to Anders Frisk’s retirement have not only sabotaged Mourinho’s reputation but also his cv. Football-wise he tends to leave a trail of scorched earth behind him following his definite three-year stay at clubs, a trait unlikely to go unnoticed by clubs searching for a stable and successful marriage. After years of public courting Jose was ignored this summer when the one job he felt destined for became available.

Jose Mourinho’s first clash with Alex Ferguson at Chelsea in August 2004 resulted in a 1-0 victory but also a rather forced admission of inferiority: "I told Mr. Ferguson that United didn't deserve to leave Stamford Bridge with nothing." Jose Mourinho’s last clash with Alex Ferguson resulted in a 2-1 victory but also another rather forced admission of inferiority: “The best team lost”.

Bobby Charton and the powers that be at United didn’t take the bait. “He pontificates too much for my liking” claimed Charlton, as well as suggesting ‘Mr. Ferguson’ wasn’t as fond of his peer as had been suggested and stating a United manager would never act like the man publicly whoring himself to the red half of Manchester.

Wounded, he has returned to the Premier League under the guise of ‘The Happy One’ but make no mistake, this is Special One v2, inspired by rejection and fuelled with the bitterness of a teenage girl whose best friend pulled the county centre-back behind her back. There will be even more arrogance, every word will be loaded with political meaning and aimed at a particular target; every action will want to have been seen.

The Prodigal Son has returned having seemingly seen the light, his new aversion to diving and cynical fouls reinforced by his love for the Red Rose of England. "Some foreign players when they come to England still keep their culture and it's a disgrace you do that to a person”. Even time-wasting is treated with contempt: ”you pay your ticket and every time the game stops you have to wait about half a minute? That is a waste of money. That’s not funny. Not in England”.

Jose Mourinho can survive on lies, if anything lies are essential to his being. However the first sign of terminal decline is telling the same lie twice, and this red flag has been raised after just nine games of the season.

Dani Alves: The Essential Liability

Messi. Villa. Pedro. Iniesta. Xavi. The fearsome front five of Barcelona. Constantly lauded for their outrageous attacking play in a Blaugranes side which have revolutionised the way the game is played. Arguably the most influential trait of the greatest team of this generation however is the intense pressure exerted on opponents regardless of how innocuous their position on the pitch is. The perfect example of this is the opening half of the first leg of the Champions League first leg between Barcelona and Arsenal at The Emirates in 2010. Arsenal couldn’t control the Catalan compression, led by Messi et al (bar Ibrahimovic), The Gunners confined to their own half as Barcelona consistently won the ball back and bombarded shots at Manuel Almunia as if it was some cruel training field joke. The formula is pretty simple, press the opponents, patience in possession, pick the clinical pass, goal.

However to exclude the name of Dani Alves when discussing Barca’s unique and exciting attacking brand of football is criminal. Alves  is an integral part of the jigsaw, providing a unprecedented outlet from right back as a result of his pace and winger-like-trickery. Constantly marauding down the right flank Alves is a key component in Pep Guardiola’s side and his philosophy of the game. With either Pedro or Villa in front performing as an inverted winger, Barcelona rely on Alves for width on his side of the pitch. Luckily they have an overlapping full back with mighty lungs, allowing him to cover a substantial amount of ground for the whole ninety minutes.

Frequently Alves finds himself in the opposition penalty box after being detected by a delicious Xavi or Iniesta pass (for example his neat finish after a pinpoint ball over the defence from Iniesta against Shakhtar Donetsk). He regularly takes on the role as the true winger in the side, providing countless assists from wide areas particularly when the opposite full back tracks his man infield (see David Villa luring Patrice Evra infield at Wembley). While he has extraordinary technique previously unheard of in a full-back when it comes to both scoring and creating goals, his most influential and effective work comes when raiding into the final third out wide.  The Brazilian’s sublime offensive attributes have culminated in a direct involvement (goals or assists) in 62 Barcelona goals over the last three years, with countless other opportunities spurned by his Catalan colleagues. Undoubtedly Alves is the world’s primary attacking right back.

Paradoxically, defensively Dani Alves is a liability, protected from exposure by the sheer dominance of his Barcelona side. Guardiola’s side do not lose many games, big games especially, but when they do the goals regularly come as a result of their right back’s defensive flaws. Barcelona’s highest profile loss under their majestic manager came at the San Siro against arch-rival Jose Mourinho’s Inter Milan in the Champions League semi-final. After the underrated Pedro struck Barcelona into an early lead Inter came firing back and equalised through Wesley Sneijder. As Samuel Eto’o’s low cross limped towards the penalty spot Alves was dragged centrally to pick up the diminutive Goran Pandev, completely unaware that Sneijder was drifting in behind at the back post. After the Dutch maestro’s ample finish from a slid Diego Milito pass Internazionale went on to subdue and defeat the team from Catalunya in a manner no team has managed to do since, or indeed during the Guardiola reign, and in the process ensuring that Barcelona’s obsession with reaching Europe’s pinnacle at the Bernabeu that year would remain unfulfilled.

A year later at the scene of the first half massacre in London (or miracle considering the score remained 0-0 at the break), Arsenal inflicted another rare European defeat on Barcelona aided by Alves’ lack of awareness and defensive effort. For the winning goal late in the game the former Seville full-back trotted back towards his goal during a textbook counter attack, not only allowing Robin van Persie to chase past him but also Andrei Arshavin, the goal-scorer. Absolutely atrocious defending and evidently a sheer reluctance to help out his defence, an uncharacteristic trait for a member of this Guardiola side.

In the painful defeat in the Copa del Rey final this year, again at the hands The Translator, against acrimonious rivals Real Madrid, the goal which secured Los Blancos only trophy of the season again transpired as a result of an attack down Madrid’s left flank against the vulnerable Alves. After Angel Di Maria played a simple one-two with Alves’ compatriot Marcelo, he accelerated over the first five yards like a Formula One racer, tearing past the world’s most expensive right-back caught on his heels before planting the perfect cross (under little pressure) onto the head of Cristiano Ronaldo. While this may only have been a dent in Barcelona’s procession towards a double winning season, it prevented them from winning an historic second treble in three years.

If Dani Alves is susceptible defensively on occasions where Barcelona are required to scrap for victory, how can he cope as an integral member of a Selecao side flaccidly attempting to prove they can cope with the extraordinary pressure of lifting the World Cup Trophy at The Maracana 2014, something their compatriots could not manage in 1950. The initial signs don’t look promising. Behind a now out of form Maicon in South Africa last Summer, Alves is now Brazil’s starting right-back at this year’s Copa America. At Estadio Mario Alberto Kempes last Saturday night Paraguay’s pacy winger Marcelo Estigarribia was an ever present threat to Brazil’s right side, constantly wreaking havoc and exposing Dani Alves’s frailties by galloping past him. Estigarribia, no matter how impressive he has looked during the tournament, is no world beater, yet he played a major role in Paraguay’s initial equaliser with Alves nowhere in sight after initially being turned by his predator. In the second half while dwelling on whether to guide the ball out or dribble his way to safety Alves was dispossessed by Cristian Riveros in his own box, leading to a crucial goal. Only Fred’s late equaliser spared his team-mate's blushes.

As a result of his incredible attacking attributes Daniel Alves is a fixture in Barcelona’s first eleven. Regardless of how weak he is defensively, it does not negate the fact that Alves is one of the most influential full backs in the world. However while Barcelona’s tiki-taka, relentless pressing and utter dominance protects Alves more often than not, these luxuries are non-existent in Mano Menezes’ struggling Brazil side. Menezes, despite a barrage of criticism in his homeland, surely cannot be oblivious to this, especially as Maicon is a much more astute defender. If only Dani had his fearsome front five in front of him to press and gain the ascendancy.